Footprints on my Heart

In a few short hours, I will be boarding a bus with all my belongings and leaving a beautiful place that has captured my heart in a way that words cannot describe.

Saying good-bye is always hard, but I know this is not the end. I look forward to the day when I can return to this place I call home and reunite with people I now call family. I have been blessed beyond measure these past 10 months, and my life has been touched in a way that I will never be the same.

While I don’t know where I’m headed or what the future holds, I am certain of this: That God who called me to this place and remained faithful to the end will be with me as I venture home and begin the next chapter of my life.

Kwa Heri!

It’s nearly impossible to put into words this feeling of “Good-bye”…what can I say? It’s almost like you feel so many emotions at once that you begin to go numb. Self-preservation perhaps. Sadness, longing, anxiety, stress, fear of what lies ahead, joy for what lies behind, guilt, uncertainty, excitement. Put that all together in the past week, stir it up, and see what happens. But of course, you must still continue to mark exams, give final grades, take pictures, share meals, burn trash, clean the house, pack your whole life, throw parties, and say goodbye. 

Talk about a lot happening all at once.

And I thought moving to Tanzania was stressful! Moving back is potentially worse.

While a small part of me is excited to be coming home, I can hardly focus on anything more than taking a hot shower or having movie night with popcorn and not worrying that my computer battery will die and I’ll have nothing to do for the next four days before it can be charged again…

Focusing on the mundane seems to be the right thing to do, because in reality, I wish I were going back to school tomorrow instead of getting on a bus. I have so much I still want to teach, so many more conversations to have, so many more things I could do here, so much more to learn. But the timing is not up to me. And it’s now time to leave the bush and re-enter the “developed world” as they say. The land of washing machines, running water, ice cubes, electricity, wi-fi, paved roads, comfy chairs, and blue jeans. I’ve come to enjoy this simple life here; it’s really not so bad. While initially I will enjoy the luxuries of life in America, I think it’s going to be difficult after awhile to deal with the guilt of what we deem “necessary” in our daily American lives.

It’s really hard to say what the shock will be like, but I’m sure it will be entertaining for those who experience it with me. I’m imagining being blinded by the abundance of white skin in the airport, inviting 17 extra people into the car for the ride home because that’s my new normal, and then possibly having a mental breakdown walking into Wal-Mart again for the first time. But as time goes on, I’ll get my haircut, take a few showers, get a pedicure to help my poor feet, buy some new clothes, and perhaps I’ll slowly but surely weave my way back into the American society.

And while this girl is leaving Tanzania, Tanzania will never leave her. I think there will be a big piece of my heart left here, which will not be easy to fill… I will say “Hodi” every time I knock on a door, when I’m cold I’ll just drape myself in colorful fabric, and I might even choose to have rice and beans for dinner occasionally. And of course, I will most likely tell anyone and everyone who will listen all about my new home in Muyenzi and my new family in Bukiriro. As I told all of my students on Friday, “I love each and everyone of you, even if you do not love mathematics…and if God wishes, we shall see each other again one day!” I have no doubt that I will one day return to Africa, and Ngara District will most certainly be on the top of my itinerary!

Although this is good-bye, I am positive that it is only good-bye for now! 

Bukiriro Secondary School, Form 1 Class

Bahati's Story

Life here is difficult. Not so much for me. But certainly for so many of my students. Education is not valued in this community, and it is difficult to instill the importance of learning in a community where the worth is not present and often not applicable. For a very select number of students, their education will take them places, while the rest will generally continue village life as parents, farmers, or herders. This is something I’ve come to accept, because there is only so much that I could do in a short amount of time. It will take years, even generations, to truly promote education at a new level in these communities. And such is life.

However, for the few students who are gifted, driven and devoted to their studies, it becomes imperative that their education is encouraged. These are the few who will make it out of the village to pursue higher degrees, hold government positions and make more of their lives. These are the bright stars of Tanzania’s tomorrow…

When my headmaster came in to share the story of one of my students this past week, a huge wave of emotion crashed down on me. Bahati is by far the top Form 1 student at Bukiriro. He is incredibly smart and a natural leader in class. His English is better than many Form 4 students. In class, he would raise his hand to answer any and every question I posed during our lessons. He scored nearly 100% on every assignment, quiz and exam I gave, and was always eager to ask questions and assist any of the teachers when needed. Needless to say, he is certainly going places.

But then, come to find out that his mother is not supporting his education. She told him if he was going to study in secondary school, then he would have to leave the house. So he did. And for a while he was living with the nuns in the community, until they decided they couldn’t support him because he is now a grown man. Sure, he is tall, but he is still a young, growing boy in need of a place to say and someone to support his education. With no other alternative, he returned home to his mother, who threatened not to feed him if he continued attending school. I can personally say that Bahati has never missed a day of school all term….which unfortunately means he has missed several meals in the past few weeks. Imagine if we didn’t serve the students porridge in the mornings? My heart aches….My headmaster found him studying at school late in the evenings a few days in a row, and when he heard the story became determined to find Bahati an alternative.

For now, that alternative is to stay with my headmaster and his family, who will care for him while he continues learning. My headmaster is one of the most loving, kind, and generous men I have ever had the pleasure of working with, and I am happy to hear that at least for now, Bahati’s basic needs of food and education will be taken care of. And as Marisa and I are moving out of our house, we were able to provide him with a mattress, sheet, pillow, blanket and bicycle. Knowing that he will also sleep soundly at night and that he’ll have a bicycle to travel, support the family, and potentially begin earning some money of his own, makes me confident that we will be hearing more of Bahati’s story in the coming years!

I am reminded of God’s unfailing love and provision. I am reminded that sometimes life is really difficult, but that this can be overcome by the power of persistence, the pursuit of your dreams, and one or two people who truly believe in you. I have been reminded of how blessed I am to have the untiring support of my family and friends, and I hope that in some small way, I was able to show the same love and support to Bahati and the rest of my students. They are all facing a daunting uphill battle, and unfortunately many of them will not make it to the top. But for Bahati, the boy whose name means “Luck,” there is a unique drive and unparalleled resolution to receive his education. Thoughts and prayers for Bahati, as he continues his education in a community that is continually trying to prevent him from learning…

“Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Romans 12:2

I'm going to miss him!

My Open Window

Have I mentioned that we bought 4600 kilograms of maize for my school?? Have I mentioned that I’m a math teacher…so I’ve finally done the math…and that is literally FIVE TONS of maize!

Wait…what…

Yes, that’s right 5 TONS. 10,000 pounds.

Each bag is 100kg of maize!

And who was I kidding last week, this will certainly last the entire year and then some. Potentially through next April...KUMBE!!!

Seriously I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who donated to this project. It was incredible watching load after load of maize be delivered and brought to my office this week. With each bag that was unloaded, all I could think was “This is another week all my students are guaranteed to eat.” Simply amazing.

I’m reminded of the story of five loaves and two fish…when Jesus fed 5,000 people and then still had 12 overflowing baskets of food remaining. Somehow, when I said I wanted to help feed the students for two months, it turned into 14 months. When I said my goal was $1500, we pulled together over $4000. When I wrote one blog post and a few facebook statuses, people generously jumped on board and believed in our project. When I say that Bukiriro Secondary is like a whole new school, I couldn't be happier about it...

And what have I learned? That God will provide if you simply trust in HIM. And while I've known this for years now, I have come to a whole new level of understanding of provision and faith. Ask and you shall receive. When I came to Tanzania, I knew I wanted to do more than simply teach esoteric mathematics concepts to students who will never need to know them...but I had no idea where this would take me. When I thought I had one opportunity to give back, it fell apart. But when God closes one door, He always opens a window. 

And when I look through that open window now, here is what I see...

4 months of uji down and 5 tons of maize later...